an ache - new project & follow through
Embarking on my FIRST long-term artwork for an exhibit [!!!} for the 3rd Sad Girls Rage show, curated by my amazing and superbly talented friend Twyla Sampaco in Seattle. She wants art with "tedious, or weird-ass mediums that have sad girl vibes. They do not need to identify as sad or as girls to make sad girl art. Ideally the work will take days+ to make and have physical texture". To be clear, the show isn’t confirmed yet but it felt like something I should do anyway hehe.
I pitched this fine object I have been hoarding for months--PANTONE MATCHING SYSTEM. I can't get over how perfectly aligned it is with her desire. It's bookmark shaped & turns on a swivel revealing 2000+ blocks of colors on coated and uncoated paper. It's the 1999-2000 15th printing and I bought it from MyUnique Thrift shop for like a dollar or so. I want to compose on every single one, alter the texts, and fill up all the blank backs. It'll be my junk journal, poetic space, experimental lab, canvas, confession booth, internal log, all the etc. Each swatch result will be stylistically and medium wise different from the previous, but they will lead to each other through the thousands.
I will title this as "an ache" as I'll block out the excess letters in the original trade name. An ache of feeling less than, too much, not enough--never enough. Facing disparate messaging from friends, lovers, family, work, social circles, the Media, Society, the Internet, and so on. Processing them all here and finding my way forward. Trying to fill up the holes made by others & especially myself.
[I realize that some photos are on their side accidentally. I actually find them more appealing this way hehe so remain they shall.]
I calculated 311 days until August which is when the show will likely be. That's about 6-7 blocks per day. So far I've skipped some days but that's okay as long as I'm persistent. This artwork will be interactive and I'll use mod podge or some other fixative to make sure the elements remain through the sliding. I also plan on weighing it each day at the office where we have a postal scale. Noting each final measurement for every session. Starting weight is 15.4 ounces.
I'm excited to add 3D elements. To collage, doodle, diagram, expand, write. Use all my pokemon and other self-inking stamps and non. All the washi tapes. Every fountain pen ink. Any fitting sticker and detritus from my day to days.
I'll be using this white spiral notebook my boyfriend /E\ gave me from his old job. Plastic semi-transparent notebook with white coil and in the middle is a square clear sticker that has a red, purple, green target, and word in white "Becoming" with "God's Ultimate Woman" under the lower curve. (Instead of green, I wrote "girl" which is a very apt freudian slip hehe) I created with my vintage dymo label tape maker a green one that says "AN ACHE" with "AN" spaced out accidentally but it works well. This is where I'll keep track of what I used and what's left for future pages and where the initial draft of this blog came from hehe.
I'm using an empty paper clips box to host any ephemera I cut out from junk mail & misprints at work. It's actually helping me discard more efficiently and quicker since I hoard at work too haha. There's two sets of three tiny purple arrows in a row from a Fedex Envelope, repetitions of "VOID VOID VOID", yellow post-it note of my name scrap, and Exhibits A-G.
And a small purple cigar box with a sneak peek hole for at home. It’s the Diamond Crown Royal Sampler from The Royal Collection, words engraved in gold and there’s a diamond with a crown in its center. When I lift the lid there's rice candy wrapper and a cartoon ninja in blue with a red scroll in their mouth, neon circle stickers, cookies washi tape, bright red lipstick in a green capsule, and medical tape with the word "PASTA" my mom wrote in sharpie. It excites me when I get to repurpose boxes, especially the cardboard ones hehe. The ninja sticker answered my question to the botan rice candy: "how should I approach an ache?" I'll have to consider its meaning and will report back haha. My hope is to use at least one element from each box a day, every day and continuously add. Which could alleviate or worsen my hoarding hehe. There's a lot of black and white fragments in the office location so I'll be limiting to one per page.
This project is already stimulating so much. I feel more inventive and I love the challenge of fitting material in each tiny segment. I definitely want to document my process on this website. I really hope I follow through. I know I can grow a lot from this endeavor and I don't want to give up or procrastinate on this. I owe it to myself to strive. I've been wanting a long-term artwork for a while, ever since I read Shortcomings by Adrian Tomine, the graphic novel many years ago. There's also the recent movie. Both are fantastic, the latter being a great adaption which was written by Tomine actually.
In both, a white girl, takes a picture of her morning piss in the toilet everyday. It’s played out as disgusting and an eyeroll, which it kinda is….except I envied her follow-through. She filled up an entire wall with those DAILY polaroids. I adore her gumption, vision, bravery, and desire to showcase it in the future. I want my own daily endeavor and "an ache" will be it.
I chose this over my thick 1970s PANTONE binder for its portability. I can place it in my purse or backpack and tote it everywhere. I plan on taking my other empty medium binder clips box to travel as well to amass and later paste. I want this to work out so badly. I end projects prematurely cuz I get scared or intimidated. I don't want to be like that anymore, anxious and afraid of success and failure and my capabilities. I want to persist and complete every great idea I contain. I deserve the effort. Always.
Here’s what I have so far, filling up TWO bookmarks, uncoated paper, yay!
1st. On Yellow C - checkered black and white columns with “-Sep-2024” typed out and a cut out 19, and a handwritten 16:16 PM. Then hyperlink phrase “.com/sometimes-there-are just-too-many-words/“ with teardrop shaped cut out with black on the bottom and white on the top and a smaller one inside of the reverse.
2nd. five streaks of Five Below Chameleon Acrylic Paint that’s pearly. All smudgy pink, purple, teal, pink purple, and bronze on Yellow 012C
3rd. on Orange 021 C I write in caps “REGARDLESS I WILL STILL TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY” The final is blurred which is appropriate.
4th. Five different kinds of small circle stickers which are slightly transparent, layered over each other. Brown, blue, orange, red, light blue. I write in script over it “what choice do I have?”
5th. Warning from my psych meds “Important Information” [Red line] “- May cause drowsiness. Use care when operating a vehicle, vessel or machine - 3rd trimester may cause health problems. Discuss with dr or rph. - Call doctor if you experience mood changes, sadness, depression or fear.”
6th. Also part of the label that the above was taken from, ripped out word “mouth”. The left side is more teared up and the other sides are more neatly cut. On Rubine Red C
7th. Above it I wrote 9/20/24 10:18. On Rhodamine Red C, I wrote these words, leaving a space where the above “mouth” would be: “spit • swallow • gulp • chew • sing • whistle • talk • scream • gargle • gag • whisper • yell • hum • lick • blow • inhale • kiss • bite • nibble • lie • pray • exhale”.
Second bookmark
8th. On Purple C, I cut out a microwaveable pizza’s cardboard packaging the word “DEEP” (black background with white text) pasted on the right edge on its side. I write down the center in a column “I swear I’m not faking it”
9th. I cut out and paste the black and white preview thumbnail of my “here” mini zine. Lots of collaging of scraps & ephemera, a huge X, and sentences and phrases cut out from vintage book pages. Violet C
Written above the below says “09.22.24 20:45” 10th. On Blue 072 C, I cut out & paste from an expired pink NJ transit train ticket the words “CALCULATED IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE ABSENCE”
Pasted above the Reflex Blue C is from a shipping label from Amazon: a cut off black outlined check box, and a black outlined rectangle that says “09/23 22:00” 11th. 2 Washi tape scraps of a blue night sky and silver diamond stars and sparkles in varying sizes and shapes. There’s a silver cloud as well.
12th. On Process Blue C I wrote in white gel pen “How much is our WILL and how high is our fate?”
13th. Green C - I cut out from Skyflakes Cracker wrapper an illustration of a stick figure working at their desk with a laptop and a window and a clock showing it’s nearly 8 on the clock. The words “Whatever you do” around the circle of the cartoon, yellow background. I handwrote in pink bronze marker on both sides of the drawing “we are soo trapped”
14th. Black C - Light blue long oval that says “INTRODUCING”
I’m enjoying how it looks this far. I love playing around and the synchronicities and lighbulbs that go off as I look at the world around me closer and pick up a pair of scissors hehe. I’m realizing I’m examining the details more due to the tiny canvasses here.
I’m feeling really good about this. I don’t think these blocks warrant further explanation but if there’s interest I can expand. I’d prefer if you can view it without my own subtext and use your own. Art is more exciting that way hehe.
I don’t believe this will fall apart like so many of my other projects. For one, I’m doing this for Twyla, a friend who I greatly admire, and another, it’s always been an aspiration of mine to make a long-term project specifically for an exhibit. I’m a lot more confident now, more willing to experiment. Plus this is easy enough and doesn’t have too high of a time commitment when completing for the day. I know this could work out well, if I just remain diligent.
Let me know if you have any questions or feedback. I hope you go for your own dreams any way you can. It’s so worth it.